


A Spark In A Sea of Gray

by striderfatigue



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:09:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1451527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/striderfatigue/pseuds/striderfatigue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk has to remind himself that he doesn't resent raising his little brother. Even if it means never seeing his boyfriend and completely throwing his life away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Spark In A Sea of Gray

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I think about if the guardians were the same age in the beta-session and were more like the alpha kids. So I guess it's sort of bro/jake? or bro/grandpa? hm.

Jake asks how you two are every time he calls. You say you’re doing well and Dave is alright, a little terror though. He laughs and tells you all about his trip to whatever far off jungle he’s in for his research. You don’t tell him about how some days Dave’s small hand is like a vice on yours, keeping you trapped here where you run yourself ragged chasing after a three year old all day only to work dead end jobs you’re too good for every night while the old woman from the floor down watches Dave. You load and unload boxes, sell shitty music at FYE, you DJ in dank clubs; you do anything and everything you can to feed Dave and, occasionally when you have enough, yourself. You usually eat whatever Dave doesn’t finish and pretend that when you carry him around the city his weight doesn’t make your arm ache and you don’t subconsciously liken his arms around your neck to a noose.

You were going to go to college. You were going to leave and get a degree and you and Jake would be rich and you sometimes can’t help but feel bitter about how easily he agreed when you said he had to leave, that this was too perfect for him to let go. You had scholarships thrown at you and talks of internships. But here you are mopping up apple juice from a table while your boyfriend is off in Borneo for months at a time. Dave asks when Jake is coming back and you don’t know what to tell him. He knows about your relationship, you don’t lie to him, but when he asks all you can really muster is to tell him that Jake won’t be back for a while because he’s at work. Dave is quick to say that you work but you’re home every morning. You almost want to tell Dave that you only work nights because he needs you during the day, but you don’t want to make a child feel bad.

You don’t resent Dave. You remind yourself of this daily. You resent your parents for saddling you with him and the job market for not having better options, but you remind yourself whenever he sips into your lap and gives you a hug ‘just cause I love you’ that you do not resent Dave. Dave is young and all he knows is that you are his brother and you make sure he gets the love every kid deserves. You shower him in affection in any way you know how, which to be honest isn’t a lot. You get him the toys he wants whenever you can, you feed him food he likes, you hug him and tickle him and you’re not sure what you’re doing wrong but you feel like there’s got to be something. He still asks sometimes if you don’t like him, even when you’re showering him with kisses you feel like he notices the small frown tugging at your lips sometimes when you look at him and you want to tell him that no, that’s not why you’re unhappy. No it isn’t his fault you have no money, it’s never his fault. And sometimes you do. When he’s asleep before he wakes up for the day and before you sleep for a few hours you hold him close in the curve of your body and kiss his head and tell him all the things you couldn’t when he was awake. You were afraid that even a kid would think you were dumb for being so soft and as you mumble that you love him and fall asleep with him in your arms you feel your phone buzz. _Jake before sleep_ , your brain decides for you and you pick up the phone. You tell him to be quiet and quick since the kids sleeping and he talks softly and it’s intimate and it’s almost like he’s there, but you fall asleep to the sound of his voice and when you wake up you remember that he most certainly isn’t there. The fussy three year old who’s tugging at your hair, however, is there and would very much like breakfast.


End file.
